New York

Dearest Drewdy Drewderson,

I’m pouring myself another glass of Lillet for this one, because I’m feeling like I really wanna spill it. Let’s get it all out.

First let me start by saying, I hope you ate some turkey in the last couple of days, or got some warm feeling from something having to do with almost everyone having the day off work and things coming as close to a stand still as they can without it being apocalyptic… or Christmas.

My god. I’m feeling extremely self-centered.

I just got back from a nine-day trip to New York City. Long trips always get me contemplating myself, my place in the world, the validity or stupidity of my routines, what it means to know people, and what it means to mean something to them. I watch all the terrible romantic comedies on the flight to and from. I cry during all the terrible romantic comedies on the flight to and from. I think about all the people that I love and have said goodbye to. I feel sad and lucky all at the same time, and none of it ever seems to make any more sense the next time I do it all over again.

I’m tired. I don’t even know why. Well, we did drink a lot of beer, as Wisconsinites tend to do when reuniting with old friends, or for any reason really. I got home and slept for over 24 hours. Now it’s 6am and I’m am nowhere near to sleep.

I saw a lot of old friends. It was good. It’s nice to feel known again. I miss laughing with other voices. I’ve spent the majority of the last couple of years alone. It’s been edifying, but very lonely. Clearly there must be something to it, or I wouldn’t have moved to a place where the only other beings I know are my cats.

I hope there’s something to it.

I find myself wondering if I’m suppose to have things to show for my 30 years; a house, a résumé, a relationship. I see what other people are doing and I feel the compulsion to compare myself, but there’s no one I’d rather be. I do believe it is enough to just be, but my head won’t let my heart rest. I’m sorry, I know it’s really cliché to use the head and the heart thing together, but god damn it, it’s true!

I need a hug.
I want a hug so bad.
A long drawn out embrace.
Arms and shoulders and hair and cheeks and awkward silence.
A big hug.

I loved New York. It’s an awesome city. The last time I was there it was one night of a three-day whirlwind road trip. First from Wisconsin to a party in Indianapolis, then we drove to New York for a party in the Brooklyn Bridge, and the last night we finished with a visit to a club in Cleveland Ohio. We slept on the couches in the upstairs lounge, with stinky feet and un-brushed teeth, while my friend Kurt spun records. We weren’t very good support, too crabby for all that mess. Needless to say, it was a very different experience this time around. I had been with my parents when I was twelve, but it was cool to see it again as an adult.

Olive got fat during my absence, but no less cuddly. Both the kitties missed me, Olive and Skeeter. I can tell. We truly have a love affair going.

My rash is gone, thanks to my aunt Sue, a doctor. She saved my life.

I think I’m going to take advantage of this jet lag and go watch the sunrise over some Parisian monument, something real poetic like.

Here are some photos from the trip….

xoxo and lots of love,

Sonya